AUTO-FOCUS

How not to sell or keep customers

By Ed Baxter

November 2007

In my years of actively following trends in the automotive sector, there have been good experiences, bad experiences, and experiences that make you want to do a double take. Some dealerships and repair facilities have a long way to go in many respects before receiving patronage from some members of the public. Here are more than a few interesting encounters and events of the last ten years…

Leaving car alarms activated in the showroom

Sometimes, life was better before alarms became standard equipment, especially those that seem to play (bad) music and sound effects at the worst time for at least a minute - think in the middle of the night when a stray dog decides to chase a stray cat over a car parked outside and you are waken up. Don’t forget the ‘panic’ button on the modern key fob, which if one accidentally trods upon late at night, will usually be the button activated, almost like a slice of buttered toast landing on the floor, face-down.

When a car is indoors, what can be achieved by startling people half to death? An elderly man had an angina attack from an alarm and was wheeled out on a stretcher, with the receptionist and a few other staff members laughing at him for most of the time. It was clear from this happening again and again (and again…) that there is a refusal to apologize, while learning nothing at the same time.

I am learning how to disconnect and safely reconnect a battery, this reason being among them. A little inconvenience may save lives at the best and worst of reasons. By the way, the elderly man was apparently trying to make off with a car that was in the dead centre of a crowded showroom and would have to been beamed up and out a la Star Trek, should that technology now be available.

Trapping people in the back seat with the child safety locks

Help, let me out! Thump-thump-thump… Trapped inside a car during extreme temperature… what can be fatal to dogs is equally fatal to humans, especially children. However, there is also the issue of becoming imprisoned due to laziness and dare I say negligence. Being trapped in the back seat has happened with embarrassment during the freezing cold, or at one point in the middle of a heat wave, in a black vehicle, of all the luck. What a way to be parboiled!

The first time this happened was with my father, long (but not too long) before I began to drive. In 1993, I once actually had to climb over the front seat of a Chrysler New Yorker to get out and open the back door when below zero, and ended up putting a shoeprint on the ceiling in the process. Anything to counter the twisted sense of humour of the gaoler who saw may father and I arrive on the premises beforehand. Since then, I take a good look at that switch before shutting the back door, or barring that, make sure the windows are lowered, with someone around to hear me thumping and shouting.

Sneaking up on customers, or `Don’t you ever knock?`

Now that we have covered the issue of being unjustly spooked, anyone hate being frightened to death by someone who effectively sneaks up silently and says 'boo' right behind you? The most famous incident witnessed was not by someone saying boo, but when someone decided to just approach, then open the driver’s side door of an older BMW without warning, causing the customer to fall out to the ground and injure themselves with a bloody scraped elbow. Was any help provided, including a bandage or antiseptic? Not on your nelly !

Having the character of a gangster

A sure way not to respectably do business, or to keep anyone on the premises for more than a few seconds:

‘How much is that Mercedes?’

‘How much do you have?’

‘I would like to know the price of the Merc, please!’

‘Well, how much do you want to spend?’

‘Oh, forget about it!’ (not fuhgeddabutit )

Or, there is the classic ploy of pretending to extort money for merely looking at a car, such as what occurred on Dundas in Mississauga . The mafia would be proud of this bloke‘s mannerisms. BTW, I gave him a fake phone number (pretending that it was my work number), which was actually the line to the Peel Regional Police fraud squad!

At the auto show in 2002, a bunch of stereotypical fedora-wearing goons were surrounding the Bentleys and Rolls-Royces, which were behind simulated cast-iron fencing. They clearly weren’t from under the Union Jack, not even as far as Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels is concerned! Oh, yes, and they barely moved, to prevent people from getting good photos of the Bentley Azure. Unanswered question - just what were they doing at a car show to begin with? Probably intimidation of the masses.

What can one say about tire and wheel ‘specialists’ in Waterloo who have several unpredictable Chow dogs lying on their front lawn with their handful sample rims, complete with a plastic igloo? Perhaps as a means of intimidating and controlling customers, neglecting the fact that a school is right across the street.

Crazy, Man, Crazy, or We have a failure to communicate

There was this one-time incident in Kitchener , when, on one evening, with a simple question to be answered, I was directed to and faced a hyperactive woman who wouldn’t let me get a word in edgewise. She then prevented me from leaving the premises until she completed her sales pitch, which included showing me a vehicle around the back in the pitch black, where from point A to B my hands were covering my throat. When operations moved to a new location, the staff did not include her. NTW, she has recently been seen carrying around a flower in a vase wherever she goes, with a crazed facial expression. Big question: what was management thinking when she was taken on?

For something bizarre, how about being stared at with dancing eyeballs from someone behind a parts counter, perhaps trying to hypnotize me into buying more?

A reader told me from an experience at a Chrysler dealer in Waterloo region, ‘I told him clearly as air, I would like to take a look inside the convertible… but instead he opened up and began showing me all the features on the sedan beside it! …would not have been a problem, if I didn’t already own an early version of that sedan myself!’

Print advertising isn’t cheap, so proofreaders, please! In one full page advertisement - ‘Power window, power door lock, power mirror…’ We can assume the car had only one seat. The script was read out the same way on a cable TV advert as well.

How’s about disrespecting someone's name?… schoolyard taunts such as ‘Edward Scissorhands’ should stay in childhood and the schoolyard. BTW, for the [obvious] record, My birth name is Edward, not Andrew, which so many people these days seem to confuse. To paraphrase Frances Sternhagen as Doctor Lazarus (in the Sean Connery film Outland) - Listen, Ed-WAAARRRD… An-DREWWWW! They sound completely different! (Don’t you agree?)

Depending on how he registered himself with the MTO (doubtful it is Willard Gordon Galen Weston), international biscuit and grocery magnate Galen Weston Sr. would be written down by some as Willard G G Weston. I corrected someone who incorrectly took my particulars down, and couldn’t understand for the life of her that not all people are known by (not ‘go by’) the very first given name in their birth certificate.

Then there is the classic stupid question, ‘Do you have a driver’s license?’ GONG! Dumb-Dumb-Dumb! Sadly, some police officers ask that question, too, to people who have been on the road for years, not just new drivers who wish they could look older for the sake of a little respect. As to your license, don’t leave home without it!

Car jockeys who should be in NASCAR and stunts

Fleet managers should have job candidates for jockey/shuttle driver evaluated - read a road test - before hiring. At the CNE grounds in 1997, the sight of a valet bashing into a portable fence on castors with a brand-new black Cadillac Seville made me cringe. Note to manufacturers - encode the ‘valet’ key so that speed is limited, performance features are disabled and obstacle detection devices are really sensitive.

Am wondering how some general managers would react to their jockeys and shuttle drivers doing 80 in a 60 zone, minimum, or 70 in a 40 residential. What they don’t know won’t hurt them, unless served with a writ. In the case of one jockey speeding, he didn’t have to meet a deadline, or to get back to use the bathroom - he wanted to get back to watch the game playing on the telly.

Thanks to a video phone, someone was filmed scrambling to the curb in terror during a downpour to avoid being struck down by a parts truck ‘What’s your problem buddy?’ As if he didn’t know, being almost creamed is certainly a problem! BTW, ‘Buddy’ was a middle-aged woman recovering from a rollerblading accident.

Misplacing items, playing Finders Keepers

During my stint in retail, I was designated a key-holder for a store’s locker (read: mini-warehouse) in a mall, and one night I had to rush back to the store before closing (a 20 minute drive) for forgetting to leave the key with the night manager. Should have, but didn’t get, a medal pinned on me for dedication, bravery and company loyalty, but my devotion would have made me a contender!

Have recalled a greenhorn putting on a frantic search for the keys to a silver Cadillac, looking through the safe and a shoebox, before declaring -‘oh, he (a salesman) must have forgotten they were in his pocket!’ and giving up with a yawn. It was later revealed the forgetful salesman actually went on a long weekend, and upon returning to work, nonchalantly returned the keys. The customer who couldn’t access the silver Cadillac found another and bought it in that period of time.

What can one say about staff keeping items that are forgotten, such as wristwatches and designer sunglasses, or goods which fall out of customers pockets, like fancy pens (a gold-plated Cross) and Swiss Army knives. Okay for an episode of On The Buses, less so in real life.

QC 101

Loose trim and faulty equipment does not inspire confidence when one is going to invest in anything new, or reasonably used. I can remember watching a child practically getting squashed against the steering wheel with a sliding front seat in a sedan that was actually intended for a coupe. ‘ Noooo! Help meee!’

Due to the sciences of weight distribution, there is the issue of contending with a loose lower rear seat cushion (battery underneath it) that tipped someone out of the back seat due to someone forgetting to reattach it following maintenance.

At auto shows: Hood releases detaching in one’s hand, storage armrests that won’t stay shut, heavy glove boxes that won’t lock properly (and suddenly land smack-dab on one’s kneecaps) or poorly-glued fabric interior panels coming loose at the wrong moment. It clearly wasn’t someone’s day!

Being ashamed of a parent company

Ah, materialism and snobbery… how some react with terror that Lexus is mentioned in the same breath as Toyota , or even suggest that a Volkswagen lurks under the sleek skin of an Audi. A senior saleswoman read a customer the riot act because the customer called the Acura NSX a ‘Honda NSX’ when the customer was from overseas where the Acura brand doesn’t exist, and yes, the NSX was sold alongside the bare-bones Civic.

Whoever had read the riot act at Acura should have been told to beware, as that customer could be a mystery customer, read: someone sent in from head office… I have done this for a few corporations, and I submitted some very interesting reports.

At one auto forum, I had to educate someone who was unable to comprehend that the Infiniti I30/I35 actually was the top-of-the line Maxima GLE, a highly desirable model in many countries where Infiniti does not exist. Canadian customers could at one time order a Maxima Brougham, which when driven across the American border tended to be looked upon with intrigue and mirth, with the exception perhaps being Florida, where it is common to see fake convertible tops, excess chrome and whitewalls on anything on wheels.

At one GM dealer in Cambridge , someone permanently unclear on the concept asked ‘Why do you want a part for a Buick here? We sell Chevys!‘ BTW, the city, like many in the Southwest, is under disproportionate American influence, especially from the sort who, in the 1970s sued GM at the drop of a hat, over trivial matters such as an Oldsmobile engine being placed into a Pontiac. On that note, it has made me wish that GM Canada remained McLaughlin and had a unique line-up, like Holden in Australia or Vauxhall in the UK… another story!

Having no knowledge of (or interest in) the parent company’s international operations or products

Things are changing these days…for the better, given globalization and the need for more world cars or world platforms. I wish that there was more world-wide styling, too to go with the world names.

Some are familiar with the privately-imported cult favourite Nissan Skyliner, but the Sunny ( Sentra), Cherry (Pulsar), Silva (SX) and Bluebird (Stanza) were very common names, esp. in Europe, as verified by my Irish friend. The less-common Panther (Infiniti M30/J30), Gloria/Cedric (earlier Infiniti M45) and Fairlady (ZX Cabrio) were highly common in home market Japan. Giggling at those names if mentioned by expatriates is not going to earn a sale!

The reaction to the Australian-built Pontiac GTO - 'It's not a real Pontiac, just a rebadged Holden' and written hostility for Jaguar basing the X-Type on the present Ford Mondeo have made me wish that I could hang a sign on the complainer reading CAN'T SEE PAST END OF NOSE (among other things). Maybe if the equivalent models of which the GTO and X-Type are based were on sale at the same time would there be a reason for not buying.

On the same wavelength, Ford`s original Mondeo world car reportedly cost a fortune - over a billion dollars to develop, yet is practically forgotten in Canada these days, despite being sold here as the Contour/Mystique for five model years. Perhaps only a small amount of that billion trickled down to the simple fact of promotion…

Unaware of past joint ventures

It pays to keep old those brochures and reports at hand, especially when not everyone has internet access these days. This paid off handsomely when a client of mine needed proof that the original Mercury Villager and Nissan Quest were effectively the same car built in the same plant. One of Ford’s parts reps was fairly young and he had never heard of, much less seen a Mercury Villager the minivan, not the wood-sided wagons from the 1970s and early 1980s, and to boot was only vaguely aware that Mazda and Ford were interconnected.

From 1985 to 1988, the Toyota Corolla and Chevrolet Nova were practically identical. Someone had taken her 1987 Nova to a Toyota dealer for repairs, and was delayed - only when someone who had been there for a considerable period of time had confirmed that the Nova was indeed serviceable there was the customer proven right. The service rep was also oblivious to a wrecked Corolla of the same vintage (and body shell) in the back compound, awaiting disposal.

Being oblivious to past products, or common dimensions

In an as-is, or ‘you save, you certify’ lot, there was a rare, mint condition 1990 Chevrolet Caprice Classic for sale. For nostalgia‘s sake, as my father once owned a Caprice, I asked to look inside. ‘ cooo it’s so big!’ was the reaction to the Chev, on several levels, as if it had been beamed down from another planet. Did quite a few eye rolls on that occasion.

Maybe it was metric, or that he was coming from a place where smaller is common - a leasing agent made the mistake of claiming that the 1998-2002 Oldsmobile Intrigue was a ‘full-size car’ - wrong-a- mundo!!! The Aurora was the full-sizer, the Intrigue was a mid- sizer, the Alero was a compact. BTW, a category couldn’t be found or decided on for the Aurora. And you call yourself a consultant…

Respect my wheels!

Would you want someone disparaging your pride and joy? Calling it a taxi or a hearse? Financier and former LG Hal Jackman was known to drive a rusty older car that was towed away from a meeting of the Argus Corporation upon the thought it was abandoned. While Mr. Jackman has a few million in the bank to keep his dignity at a certain degree of permanence, us common lot have to be respected.

Someone else on the same payroll as the one in awe of the aforementioned Caprice declared the same vehicle to be ‘an old car’, which conjures up the image of a rusty, obsolete, about-to-collapse jalopy. Flip-side: cars and trucks are generally lasting longer these days, so hopefully such smart-ass comments will not be so common a few years from now.

The younger generation also respect tradition too! While admiring a new Lincoln Town Car upon having service done, someone on staff giggled, ‘You’re too young for a Town Car. Get a Mustang!’ The rebuttal? ‘A Mustang’s too small for my kids and their stuff!’ The vehicle being serviced was a rusty but dependable 1993 Lincoln, bequeathed from the chap’s grandmother, two child seats in the back, and a trunk full of the shopping, mostly intended for the kids. Kammback anyone?

Sour milk and cream for the complimentary coffee and tea.

Free or paid by coins, beware equally. Like a bad comedy full of clichés, the refreshments at some dealerships and service centres are not always gourmet. Many spit takes have been witnessed, often out the door or into a nearby sink, and then there was a case of an earwig (or two) discovered in the sugar.

This was common at Manulife Financial, in the refreshment stations at their Waterloo offices, which were effectively small communities in large areas of square feet. Waiting areas are obviously less so. The second earwig was suddenly seen swimming in a paper cup of hot chocolate, which a woman knocked out of her daughter’s hand before it reached her lips - ‘Don’t drink that!’

Vengeful towards customers

The customer is always right. Failing to follow this maxim drove someone to buy a used luxury SUV privately, with no warranty - what was on a hidden tape recorder revealed why… the young salesman went on a profanity ridden tirade against the customer, with the suggestion that he was on starvation level and not buying the SUV from him would impoverish him. After the tape was played for the sales manager, Mr. Greedy is now collecting the dole, at last report.

Expecting customers to buy on impulse

Unless one is filthy rich, which still isn’t likely, is one seriously expected to buy a vehicle like an appliance or a television set? Some think so… I only sat in the driver’s seat of a Lincoln for two minutes, and before even starting it up, looking under the hood or in the trunk - ‘Are you going to come back this evening to make a deal?’

The same question was asked another time - earlier when a car wouldn’t even start up after repeated tries and cranking. `Let me have your phone number…` To which I declined, and he couldn’t understand why.

An early 1990s Mercedes-Benz S-Class, owned by someone with more money than brains… damaged bumper cover, shredded windscreen wipers, which suddenly stalled at an intersection and required a tow back - received a phone call a week later… ‘are you still interested?’ My answer - `you’re joking, aren’t you ?`

Footnote: The salesman where the Merc was being sold (an Oriental) had no idea about the procedures when a car is broken down... in Europe, one is supposed to place a reflective triangle a few feet behind the car, as well as leave the hood ajar slightly. He put the triangle back after I set it up, then lowered the hood.

Problem? What problem?

Am on the verge of discovering the root cause of a suspension ill that has made a loud, extremely noticeable rattle - a month ago, upon having work done to solve the problem, consisting of a day’s notice, plus an hour of waiting, I drove away to hear the rattle, still. Discovered that who did the repairs and supposedly drove the vehicle couldn’t speak at all - he simply shook or nodded his head to communicate. Two hundred dollars went down the drain, and the original part went to the scrap heap.

In Hamilton, someone officially selling a used upscale vehicle didn’t think that a usually smooth-running luxury car that was chugging and rattling along like an older diesel truck was in need of a tune-up. Every mechanic who was told of the condition in great detail agreed that there was a serious problem. The only problem recognized was that ‘my hearing was too good’.

In the summer of 2001, I drove a car for sale with shockingly bad and practically useless brakes - the excuse for allowing a vehicle to even be test driven with bad brakes was that it was ‘as-is‘. Maybe there was no room on the premises for it to be stored, or sheer laziness to call the wholesaler or scrap dealer? Sorry, but knowingly putting someone’s life at risk to make room is my definition of negligence!

Service bay workers who lose or damage items and expect you to replace them

Oil plugs are the most common. I admit to have been taken for a dollar here and there, but no more. When the pit crew didn’t lose a plug in a drainage tank, there was the discovery that the plug was ‘burred’. My mechanic examined the damaged plug and verified that the damage was deliberate - pliers were used to damage the screw grooves. Fraud and theft starts with the little things…

Assuming the customers are mind readers

Would it really harm the dealer profits to put a paper SOLD sign on the dashboard? You are given silence and a blank stare whenever you suggest this, like you are crazy. Maybe some people are unable to admit that they are wrong.

Over the phone:

‘On your website and in the paper, you have listed a 1995 Olds 98, Blue, with 95K at $8000 - Is it still for sale?’

‘Yes, the price has been reduced to $7700.’

After arriving at the dealership 30 minutes later…

‘Sorry that was sold yesterday’

The words heard after learning of the car’s sold status can’t be repeated.

Then there was the case of ‘I am never wrong!’ in a basement showroom. For getting flamed for accidentally sitting in a station wagon that was sold, yet with no way of knowing so, I picked up a piece of scrap paper, scrawled ‘SOLD’ on it with a ballpoint, and left it on the dash. ‘What is this doing in here?’ My response: ‘Warning others, about the vehicle being sold, plus you.’ The general manager was listening behind a curtain, and demanded to know why the sold car wasn’t properly prepared. My role was thus complete.

Slippery floors

After a major renovation, to keep the floors fancy and new-looking, the janitor went overkill on the wax polish at two dealerships. Leather soled shoes have practically no traction on ice, and ice-like floors are a clear and present safety hazard, as will be proven. While on the phone, I was thought to have heard an explosion in the background, and the call was ended on the belief that a bomb had gone off. I later found out that someone actually slipped and crashed through a large display case, which must have been with extreme force The display case in question was of the same size as a store window, which another person, a store manager, was destroyed in the same manner during a boxing day sale when customers were pushed up against it.

Elsewhere, not too long after, someone later went down some steps and almost broke his nose. We found him lying in front of a tire display, blood on the floor. After the injured man was treated, the only appearance by the sales manager was to request cleaning up the mess. Whatever happened to priority these days?

Enter and park at your own risk

Have some property managers forgotten about Canadian winters? Customers shouldn’t have to contend with icy footpaths (where’s the salt?) that are best accessed with skates. Then there is decorative masonry that damages your car door trim, because it’s too high, and the rules that you have to park facing west, making easy exiting impossible. Some designated parking spots are so small and tight that the sunroof has been considered as a means of exit.

And then… there was this case of a newly-formed curb that was a bit higher than average. Someone with an 80s sport sedan did not notice anything peculiar and when backing up and out, he put two wheels on the curb, scraped the outer undercarriage and broke off part of his lower body-kit, The answer to his complaint? No apology, no investigation, but ‘contact our body shop’ - a true story!

Intimidating children

At one dealership I briefly worked at, the best part of the job was being able to see what was going on over the sales floor. Once incident I witnessed was the exception to the rule. A small boy, no older than nine, was on the sales floor, bored, and clearly waiting for his parents. Like any normal boy of that age, he decided to explore all the vehicles for sale, until he was cornered and repeatedly asked ‘Do you have the money for that car, well do you?’

The boy, who never made a noise, was shivering in silence by his parents for the rest of the time in the showroom. At the end of the day, I asked what was achieved by the intimidation. ‘We must keep the cars clean and stop wild children from disrupting customers’ was the answer, to which I didn’t reply, just pulled a winter floormat out of a minivan and let the gravel fall on to the showroom floor, and pointed out a few greasy smudges (from the lot attendant’s fast-food) on the interior trim. More proof that some kids are more mature than those much older, if can be deduced by one troublesome former neighbour in my apartment building…

Never judge a book by its cover

This may be funny on TV such as when Hyacinth Bucket mistakes the lord of the manor she is visiting for the gardener, but when selling, one cannot afford to make deliberate personal attacks, regardless of age.

Bloke of an indiscernible age, wearing casual clothing that wasn’t too casual was getting repairs done at GM and decided to go to the showroom, not being interested in old magazines and daytime tv . For getting into a Cadillac, he was told flat-out by the snobby saleswoman, ‘you don’t look like you can afford that,’ and ’don’t play with the controls’.

Oh, the irony… not only could he afford a Cadillac, but he had owned a couple beforehand, as proven by the grimy old MTO registration card that was still in his wallet and almost disposed of. Parting words to Le Snob?: ‘Ahhh, brown leather shoes…very fancy! Did you buy them that way, or did they get that colour from dipping them in chocolate? I mean, you have to have some sort of a sweetener when you put your foot in your mouth.’

Disregarding the laws and rules of the road

When a colleague of mine was taking a used car for a test-drive , the sales office at the dealership had no dealer plates left. The salesman told the customer, ‘You can drive… I am the plate’ and insisted on the car being driven along a roadway at the auto mall, which was still a public road where the police would wait for speeders. Would that sentence ‘I am the plate’ have stood up in court had the police stopped the driver for operating an improperly registered vehicle?

After having a minor fender-bender (actually dislocated trim), the body shop with the best rate and quality work was a few miles away. When the job was done, the shuttle driver collected me in an older Ford Explorer, and drove like the wind, swerving, tailgating, and charging through yellow lights all the way. Even if it can be cheaply repaired, put your older car at risk, not your customers!

What difference does it make where one is from?

Being a member in good standing, I sure miss the old [British] Commonwealth! Once, I pretended to be from South Africa and had to hear ‘I like your accent’ umpteen times. Very thankful I wasn’t given an earful about Apartheid, though. Another occasion, when I said that I was from Essex, ‘I’ve been in England ’ was the eye-rolling answer. Another tripper seemed to think that Plymouth was near Southend-On-Sea … well, if three hundred miles is your idea of ‘near’…

In Aurora, was once asked 'what are you doing here from Thornhill?' ‘Simple, I came up Yonge street ’. Just why is Mr. Isolationist selling a method of transportation anyway? Be it going for a day trip or shopping at a distant mall, why do some people think you should stay in a certain area all the time? Maybe they haven’t been stir-crazy…

My equipment, my rules

A customer who had received regular service from a Scarborough dealer discovered the back tire on his hatchback to be virtually flat. The air pump on the side of the building was clear, present, working and available. After only a few seconds of use, one mechanic ordered him to stop using it, without an adequate reason. The customer then had to cross six lanes of busy traffic with the nearly-flat tire to use the one at PetroCan. The whole scenario resembled a video game, and I was praying that he wasn’t going to be smashed to smithereens. He wasn’t.

A little bit of checking around indicated that a dealer mechanic not to far away in Leaside had once been notorious for getting into fights with coworkers, such as for them washing cars the wrong way, parking their vehicles in ’his’ space or not following his methods of work in the service bay. Customers could hear him yell if in earshot, too, and were perhaps terrified of putting anything but good comments on their feedback cards. Goes to show what a poisonous work environment is.

An unwelcome sales environment

It would be interesting in the sales figures for places that cordon off their pricey but mass-production cars for sale (such as certain Cadillacs and Corvettes) in the showroom with those devices used in bank queues, as well as shadowing customers like shoplifters and with ‘the evil eye‘ or ‘In Hong Kong you’d be dead’ stare. Most Jaguar and land Rover dealers have people shadowing anyone who comes into the showroom, and tend to become personal, too… see for yourself, and if you must come by car, park off premises, so your number plate info won’t be taken down.

It really makes me wonder about the agenda behind having an after-hours janitor of questionable mental capacity unintelligibly confronting someone for looking at an older (1967) Rolls-Royce that has been parked outside in the ice, slush and snow with other used cars for at least two weeks.

While at one Mercedes-Benz ‘retailer’ I placed my coffee cup behind a tire, out of the way of other customers. Was then torn into for doing so, citing the example of a few minutes earlier, where a couple of teenage boys left their ice caps out on the floor and were nearly knocked over, I was ordered to finish my coffee in the waiting area. Different rules for different people? Yes! Should it be allowed to stand? No!

Watch your language!

While working in Ajax, I took a few minutes from the remainder of my lunch break to look at an older used car (a bare-bones Chevrolet Caprice) that could be used at the cottage. Condition was good, price was good, mileage was decent.

This was just a corner lot, so I wasn’t expecting total perfection in service, but the salesman/head mechanic/owner began to use profanity as a punctuation mark to answer my questions asked about the car.

My parting words were : ‘I will have to consult with my diocese’.

Stop if you’ve heard this one before…

What is it about Middlesex County! Most Cadillacs of any vintage and condition for sale in London by anyone seem to be obtained from the estate sales of recently-deceased wealthy older men. Coincidence or a cover-up?

To conclude, sell well, don’t sell pell-mell!

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